At first glance, it may seem like an unpopular viewpoint, but plenty of ink has been spilled discussing the merits and detriments of giving children a lot of praise.
Behavior
The Case Against Praising Children
At first glance, it may seem like an unpopular viewpoint, but plenty of ink has been spilled discussing the merits and detriments of giving children a lot of praise.
There is nothing wrong with praise itself. It’s just the way that a lot of parents give it that is the problem.
Congratulating a child for attributes they have no control over can cause more harm than good. Perhaps your child is attractive, a great athlete, or intellectually gifted. These are innate qualities that are a gift. If a child is getting praise for something over which they have no control, it can sometimes cause them to feel confused and even instill the belief that they don’t have to try to be good or rewarded.
Education resources
The “great job” trap
Your child doesn’t need to receive your acknowledgment at every step. When you constantly shout out “great job,” you can diminish events when the child does something praiseworthy. Try to keep the praise for moments when your child has worked hard and is seeing the positive results of their efforts. When you are praising your child for everything, from tying their shoes properly to clearing their plate away after dinner, you are sending them a message that can hamper their development.
Keep the “great jobs” for times when they put in a lot of extra effort and went the extra mile to achieve something special. This can mean spending hours working on their science project to get it just right, to putting in the time necessary to master their timetables. Make sure that you are admiring their efforts rather than the outcome. We all know that even when we put in the effort, we don’t always achieve the desired result.
Why do children not need as much praise as you may think
The point of praise is to motivate your children to act positively. When every tiny success is celebrated and every failure is overlooked, it can be unclear for your child. They may begin to believe that failure is wrong and should be hidden. Of course, we as adults know that failure is just a part of life and can provide valuable insight that brings us future growth. It’s important for children also to learn those lessons, and as parents, we must make sure that we don’t try to turn everything into a positive experience.
Children are much more resilient than we give them credit for, and they don’t false praise from their parents to feel pride in their achievements! Rather than be your child’s constant cheerleader, why not hang back and let them come to you when they need extra support?
Praise and development
It is important to only praise children for their actions, not their inherent abilities. When you lavish praise on your child for being so smart, it can cause them to feel stupid when they don’t do well. When praised for their dedication and attention to detail, they begin to understand that these are traits they want to develop in themselves further. It is important to remind them that sometimes things don’t always work out the way we want them to, and that’s okay. Make sure that when things don’t turn out great that they understand that this outcome shouldn’t prevent them from trying again.
Of course, no one says you should never praise your child. We want parents to understand that not every little action warrants a full dose of “well done”, “great job!” and “you are so amazing!”. Using praise in the right moments can help your kids gain the confidence they need to succeed, but too much of it can be a detriment to their healthy development. Give your children the space they need to succeed and fail independently. When you are there hovering over them and offering constant advice and feedback, it can be difficult for them to develop properly.
Kids need encouragement, but it’s also important for them to find their way!
